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Foreign Legion Flops/Transcript
This page contains the transcript of Foreign Legion Flops. Please note that this is done by ear and could possibly be inaccurate. Part One * Scotty: ''(pacing around Stringer and Tubby's apartment)'' I tell ya, it's a great new song you've got! But we've got to find a way to make the public excited about it. * Stringer: Oh, you'll get an idea, Scotty. * Tubby: Yeah, you'll get an idea alright and we'll be sorry. * Scotty: Ah, my mind is a blank. (stops pacing and snaps) I know! Uh, play me the song one more time, maybe if I hear it again I'll get the big idea. * Tubby: Yeah, sure Scotty. * (The Beagles play I'd Join the Foreign Legion, getting cut off after the second verse.) * Scotty: Enough, lads! I've got it! You're going to join the Foreign Legion. * (The Beagles speak over eachother) * Tubby: Ah, come on! * Stringer: You flipped your wig! * Both: You won't get me on any desert. * Stringer: I'll tell you that right now. * Tubby: I can't ride a horse, much less a camel. * Stringer: Oh, no. * Scotty: Hold it, hold it! Wait a minute, lads. We're gonna have them make you honorary members! But it'll still be great publicity. * (Scotty runs off and Stringer and Tubby are left looking at eachother.) * (Scotty now stands in the Foreign Legion registration office with the Lieutenant.) * Scotty: So you see, Lieutenant, it'll be great publicity for the Beagles and great publicity for the Foreign Legion! * Lieutenant: Sure, I get it. We'll make them (hesitates) ...honorary members. Heh. * Scotty: Now, I'll just step outside and get them and the TV cameramen and newspaper photographers! (leaves) * Lieutenant: (laugh) Honorary! Boy, are they in for a surprise! * (The Beagles, Scotty and three men enter) * Reporter One: Uh, uh, put your hands over your head! * Reporter Two: Stand over there next to the Lieutenant, Beagles! * Reporter Three: Give us a smile, huh! Give us a big smile! * Reporter Two: Little more, that's it! * Lieutenant: Now, hold on just a minute! First, the Beagles have to pass a physical examination if they're gonna be members of the Foreign Legion. * (Stringer and Tubby jump) * Scotty: Don't worry, lads! He means honorary members! * Lieutenant: Sit down there, Tubby. And cross your legs. (Tubby sits and the Lieutenant pulls out a mallet) I'll just check your reflexes. (The Lieutenant hits Tubby's knee and he kicks Scotty in his.) Your reflexes are fine. * Scotty: A bit too fine, if you ask me. * Lieutenant: (pushing Stringer down) Now yours, Stringer! * Stringer: You don't have to worry about my reflexes. * (The Lieutenant hits his knee and Stringer kicks Scotty in the nose, knocking out his cigar.) * Lieutenant: Reflexes fine! Now let's check the hearing. (behind them, now holding two cymbals) Both of you stare straight ahead and tell me if you hear this sound. (bangs them together) Did you hear it? * Tubby: W-we-w-we-we-weeee h-heaarrdd iiiit. * Lieutenant: Good. For this final test, take this barbel and lift it over your head. * Tubby: Oh sure, that looks easy, Lieutenant. (Tubby starts grunting and groaning in effort, not succeeding) I-I can't! St-String-Stringer... St-Stringer! Help! Stringer!! * (Stringer rushes over but even with the two of them, they cannot lift the barbel.) * Tubby: H-Hold it. * Stringer: Watch it there- watch it! * (The two start heading backwards and crash through a wall) * Lieutenant: Good going, Beagles! Let me be the first to congratulate you. You're now members of the Foreign Legion. * (The reporters cheer. Stringer & Tubby look surprised) * Scotty: Don't worry lads, he means honorary members. * Lieutenant: Oh, no! I mean real members, soldiers! (to two other soldiers) Take these two away! Get them uniforms and ship them off to sea! * (The two soldiers grab them by their arms and start dragging them away) * Tubby: H-hey, no! * Both: No no no! We're singers, not soldiers! * (The Beagles talk over eachother) * Tubby: Help, Scotty! * Stringer: Oh, help! * Tubby: Save us! * Stringer: Save us, help! * Tubby: You can't get away with this! * Narrator: What a miserable development this is! * (Scotty blinks up at the Lieutenant, who smiles and crosses his arms.) * Narrator: Those valiant vocalists have now been forced into the Foreign Legion by trickery! Will they be made to fight bandits? To wonder the lonely desert? There's an exciting time ahead on our next episode. Category:Episodes Category:Cartoon Category:Transcripts